My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
