why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
