I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize