Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
