i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
