Moan for me like Helen Keller
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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