Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
