I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
