I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
that's an acceptable place to lick
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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