clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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