someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
