She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
