Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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