she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
no you cant smoke seaweed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
