i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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