is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
