My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
