you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
