Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
