I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
