i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Come on in and take your pants off
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