She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize