After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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