I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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