ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My bed smells like the plague
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
