Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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