She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize