I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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