You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
