Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
