What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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