You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
