Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
