Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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