I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
