We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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