I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
