I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
