Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
