I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
try to milk me bitch
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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