Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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