Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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