so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
