Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize