East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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