I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
