my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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