i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
