Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize