I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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