Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
