He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
