I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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