he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
