woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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