I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh god it's open bar.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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