I am puke
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
do nipples grow back?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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