he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
