Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
