at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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