whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize