i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
