need another drink. this is the easiest way
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
