my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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