my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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