She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
