Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
