One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
