I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
