You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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