The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I supernannyed him into submission
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