I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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