somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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