It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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