I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
