how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
