You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
