How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
