oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
