why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
